i see swimming pools and living rooms and aeroplanes
by Culius Jaesar
Summary: Shinta Fukuda sits on the fresh, dewy grass outside of the pristine, white church, uncaring of the chlorophyll on his trousers and the wetness on his dress shirt. Today is the day Kazuya Hiramaru gets married to Yuriko Aoki- the day Yuriko Aoki becomes Yuriko Hiramaru. He should feel happy for them, and feels sickened by the fact that he doesn't.


Shinta Fukuda sits on the fresh, dewy grass outside of the pristine, white church, uncaring of the chlorophyll on his trousers and the wetness on his dress shirt.

It is pleasantly cool, the crackle of the grass and the smell of the wind welcome after months of being cooped up in his studio. The closest taste of the outdoors he gets when he is working is when he goes out to buy instant ramen. However, that is only occasional, given that he's the main man, the head honcho, _the_ mangaka behind the chapters, busy most of the time sketching out another action packed scene in _Road Racer Buchigiri_. His assistants are usually the ones who take care of such miscellaneous tasks.

This morning is one of matrimony. Today is the day Kazuya Hiramaru gets married to Yuriko Aoki- the day Yuriko Aoki becomes Yuriko Hiramaru. He should feel happy for them, and feels sickened by the fact that he doesn't.

One would think that he hated Aoki, the way he acted towards her in the beginning. He'd said as much to Yujiro, after all. Neither had he fully accepted that he _didn't_ , in fact, hate Aoki. He isn't even sure when he'd started _not_ hating her. All he knew was that when she'd expressed her determination to stay up all night, if that's what it took to finish up her work for _Time of Greenery_ , a seed had been planted within his atria and his ventricles, within his beating heart. His biggest regret was that he'd allowed it to

( _grow_ )

fester, like a wound that refused to heal, a bruise that would not fade- because how could this be classified as anything but a wound when it hurt him so much?

He feels dark and belligerent, like a devil's wings have enveloped him in their malicious shadow. The curious pain he feels like water in his lungs- that his adult self is now capable of classifying as shame- lingers; and he wallows in it, for he deserves nothing less, clutching the grass around him with white knuckles.

He cannot hate Aoki, so he tries to make Hiramaru the object of his hate, for

( _stealing_ )

marrying Aoki when he feels this way towards her. But he can't hate Hiramaru either, and instead feels somewhat angry with himself for even trying. He remembers when Nakai had tried to harm Aoki, reminiscing as to how cool the man had been then

( _I will protect Aoki-san on my own, please stay out of this!_ )

and feels, 'Hiramaru deserves to marry her.'

That doesn't make it less painful, that doesn't stop him from hating just how soft he's becoming, that won't stop him from getting up and seeking the dark comfort of his studio-

-because how does he deserve to enter something as holy as a church when he

( _loves_ )

is frickin' crushing on another man's fianceé? He can't enter a church after doing something like this!

(he's doing everything in his power to convince himself not to go)

He feels as if something terrible, unspeakable, shall happen if he goes, that he will not be able to take the sight of their embracing figures, that the devil in him shall awaken and devour him body and soul-

"Boss?"

He spins to see Yasuoka, looking at him with an understanding, almost pitying look on his face, and he knows that Yasuoka has discovered it, and feels somewhat dumb for not having realized that he has. The spiky haired man is his closest friend, his first assistant- of course he would know, of course he would have known.

"It's time for the wedding." Yasuoka has stepped up to him, holding his hands out.

Shinta feels somewhat vulnerable, and doesn't even try to hide it- a testament to how much the man puts him at ease. "I don't know if I can go."

"Of course ya can, boss!" he insists passionately. Shinta is inexorably drawn to taking his hand and allowing himself to be pulled up.

"I- you know why- I can't go!" he spits, his voice guttural.

Yasuoka grins, slapping Shinta on the back.

"Boss, you're strong. You _can_ do it."

He is about to intervene, but the spiky haired man pushes on.

"You're the strongest person I know."

With that, he disengages, hurtling towards the church, calling behind his back, "Besides, the cheesecake's gonna be awesome!"

Shinta sighs. He adjusts his trousers.

An hour later, he is plunging a fork into said cheesecake, laughing as Hiramaru; _Yuriko_ Hiramaru; berates her husband for having a cup of saké too many.

It is difficult; but he can do it; for he is strong.


End file.
